Quiditus - To lie by her side

Ra had met Ti in his college. Two foolish children hooked to each other like a root to its stem. Only in this case the root did not realise its stem or rather realised it too late. By the time she realised, the stem had been hacked and grafted in another nursery.

At college it was a chance meeting. Just a casual walk and a casual hello. But the two foolish children did not know that in that moment a seed was formed of future events. Seed was formed of his life, his sufferings, his sublimation, his realization.

At college, they met and met, again and again. Parting only to sleep in their respective rooms. Then, even that became impossible. So he started sleeping in her room. Much to her agony and yet ecstasy. Like two innocent children they slept on her mattress without touching each other. Little did Ra know then that those were going to be the best sleeping nights of his life. Some are born to sleep delight and some to sleepless nights, indeed !!

Ti understood Ra in her own way. Some of the most precious moments she cherished were, when she would say teasingly -

“Ra , you are like an innocent calf. Love watching them grow and shrink – the black dark lobes“
“Ra, you are like a wooden chair. Hard and strong where I can leave myself to rest and at peace”
“Ra, this is my personal space and that is yours. Don’t you know two people are supposed to respect 18inches of personal space”. Then she would laugh and hug him and kiss him.

Like foolish kids they fought and yet they could not part. But they realised that they could never be together and so ended the college. Each went on one’s path. He to corporate world success after success after success. (Or was it?) Countries after countries after countries. (But back finally?). Houses after houses after houses. (Or a home?)

2009. After a decade and one, they exchanged email notes again. Once again the soul moaned. Valentine’s Day approached. The urge to meet intensified. Ra in his own way yearned to meet his root. But in a decade a grafted stem gives rise to a bed of nursery. In a decade, around a grafted stem whole greenhouse can be built, whole paradise formed. So union of Ra and Ti was ruled out. College reunion came. He went only to meet her. She could not come. She wanted to though.

His health improved and deteriorated. He lost weight and became very handsome. To describe Ra modestly – An Adonis ! He was a combination of masculine beauty with utmost intelligence and yet pure simplicity and humbleness? His interest became even more diverse – Quantum Mechanics, Evolution, NeuroScience, Cosmology, Process Engineering in addition to Mathematics, Physics, Classical ballroom – Rhumba to be precise, flute, oil painting and reading great masters.

So his health lost and found, finally lead him one day to the hospital ER. He was being operated for a spine surgery. Little did he know that Ti was in hospital too, kms away, in preparation for a child-birth. Both were being prepared for operation. For a new life – indeed .

Valentine’s day approached. Urge for reunion after a decade intensified. Each to his and her bed confined. Body stuck to earth and soul struggling. Like a kite tied to the hands of the earth and yet struggling to get free. Ra struggled. Some times to let himself free and sometimes to stick to the hands of his caretaker. Each breath was like a tug on the kite’s string. With each jolt the kite hovered violently in the sky. Spasms after spasms the bodies convoluted in their beds. Each in ones confined bed and yet in unison. Each breath became a challenge. Each moment became a decision. Should Ra die and fly to be born again to be able to lie by her side? Or should he remain with his caretaker. To die or to fly or stand-by? A moment of a life-time !!

Life won and death lost. Ra failed to die and continued to live. The exasperating breathlessness stopped. One final jab from the nurse helped. He could never be with Ti anymore. His duty was to be with the same nursery, the same saplings he had planted. Duty won over desire. Desire died once and for all.

Ti gave birth to a baby boy a week later. Once again life won. But, if all won then who lost?

From their first meeting when they went to the library in college, time never remained same. Ra recalled how they sat behind the library and talked. Gentle wind kept howling reminding them of time. They talked and talked like two souls meeting after a long journey. Talked to catch up on the years and shall we say lives lost. Talked -to fill each other. He understood her intuitively and realised her to be his root. (Another word for root is “Goatra” in Hindu philosophy and stands for lineage. Did they share the same lineage?)

Why the onus of realising his Eve always rests with Adam? Is it because the whole can realise the part better (Avante Garde Fem band please excuse )? Don’t know the answer just yet. Do you? Perhaps, a far more pertinent question is - Why was the part required to be removed in the first place from the whole? Or even better, which is part and which is whole – Adam oder Eve? Is Eve part of Adam or vice-versa or is it - synthesis as Hegel would have it? Have an explanation for that but rather would hold my breath in “kumbhaka” and be a silent observer.

Let Time Tell Truth.